The last couple of days I have been reading Amy Grant's "Mosaic: Pieces of My Life So Far" and many of the things that she talks about have touched me. She has talked about love, loss, fear, freedom and faith. There have been a couple of chapters I have read that have choked me up and there have been a few that have made me laugh. In all that I have read about her struggles, her pains, her sorrows, her joy and her happiness I have realised one thing...
I am young.
As I've removed myself from the world of being a teenager and stepped into the realm of being a young woman I have become more of a worrier. I allow little things to get to me and I analyze every detail of everything! I worry that I worry too much. Why am I wasting all of my time? Why can't I just enjoy life without getting upset with my husband about not putting his change on the dresser or without feeling like I have the most unruly hair in history?
I am young.
I have so much to offer. I have talents deep within me that have yet to reveal themselves to the world. I still don't even know what they are. They are nestled in the crevices of my mind; within my genetic make up. Sometimes I think about what they might be. Am I going to be the leader of a worship team one day? Am I actually going to learn to play more then memorized bits of a song on the piano? Am I going to be an organized mother? Am I going to be a memorable quilt maker (at least to my family)? Will I ever be crafty? Will I ever lead someone to Christ? Am I going to write a book one day? Is it all in me?
I am young.
I have so much life to live. Sometimes I feel like I've already experienced so many things that I don't know what else there is. Sometimes I am afraid of what life will bring. I've even thought maybe I don't want kids. Maybe I don't want to ruin what is so wonderful right now. I think it's just because I'm not ready yet. I'm just rambling on here, but it's just something I was thinking about today as I was reading. I have so much to look forward to.
I am young.
There will be times when I will want to open up my heart and rejoice with deepest gratitude. There will also be times when I want to bury my eyes and my soul from the world and figure it all out on my own. There will be times when I will grieve with every part of my being and I will not understand how I am waking up each day. There will be days when my heart feels like it's bursting with pure happiness and sunshine and I will not be able to contain it. I am looking forward to each and every one of these days. Not because they are going to be mine and not because they will fill me with wisdom and experience but because they will be the truth. They will be me, every single day. No matter what the day holds I am me...always me. So much to look forward to.
I am young.
3 comments:
I feel the exact same way Morgan. I know exactly how you feel.
I get really frustrated with myself because I am too sensitive and take things too personally and think too much into a lot of things. I feel like I just gotta relax because a lot of those little things don't even matter. I look at people who seem to not have a care in the world and I am envious. Why can't I be like that?
We are still very young Morgan. I think it takes dignity and modesty to admit so. So I guess it means we are closer to being more mature??? It takes a long time to grow up and in some cases I take comfort to that reality. not trying to rush things, accepting who you are.
You will do great things Morgan. You are a great person.
P.S. Leave Dan alone when he doesn't put his change on the dresser. It's an honest mistake :P
Great post, Morgan. Good questions. Eveything you've shared here (and Garrett too) is a sign that you are maturing.
I still feel young like this sometimes myself, though the odds say I have less life in front of me than the two of you.
I like what Garrett says about the dignity and modest to admit what you recognize in yourself. There's nothing to be ashamed of in any of this, that's for sure. Trust your life, your youth, to God and he will guide you into your future. All of life is a learning experience. The things you are writing here show that you realize this. The questions you ask and the struggles you face are all part of your 'homework in the school of life.' (okay, maybe that's a little corny!)
I'm proud of you (both of you.)
Excellent Morgan. I am so proud of you(and Garrett). Life seems to be made up of times of climbing and plateaus for resting. It seems to me that the object is to not stay on the plateau. Sure, it is fun to explore the plateau but after a while it can lull us into a place of complacency. God created us to be climbers and explorers. I look forward to hearing more of your journey. You and your brothers! Here's to the climb!!!
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