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Friday, February 26, 2010

A Bit of a Revelation

I’m trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I’m a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me

Oh, it all looks different
But that doesn’t mean anything has changed

Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name

I look at the life of Anna
Your presence was her home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch

One day very soon
Face to face
I’ll give an account of my time to You

- Bethany Dillon - "Say Your Name"

I had a bit of a revelation this morning. I was doing dishes and listening to this song. I've heard it many times but it kind of hit me - I can relate to this! I have been married for three and a half years (she was a newlywed when she wrote this song) but I still struggle between my relationship with my husband and my relationship with God.

I love the imagery of "it all looks different but, that doesn't mean anything has changed." On the outside, when getting married, life changes drastically. Suddenly I am living with this man, I am sharing a bed with him, doing his laundry, cooking his meals, buying groceries for two instead of one...all these things start the moment we say I do. We are a in a partnership for life. My attention shifts from God and me to God, my husband and me. It creates quite the triangle!

But...BUT...that doesn't mean anything has changed. Hello?! Why did I never think this way before now? I know it may seem simple but to me it kind of put things into perspective. Why should I change how I live out my relationship with God? Why do I have to choose? My husband and I are one. On the outside I have changed but on the inside I am still the me that God created. The one that still reaches for him when I am afraid and tired and lonely. I go to him when I am happy and joyful and feeling fulfilled in my life. I express my thanks and my gratitude to Him frequently. He is still my God - my Everlasting Lord. That will never change.

So on the outside my life has completely changed from what it was when I was single. I lived with my best friend, I bought groceries only for me, I cooked for myself, I only had to think about how circumstances would affect me. Now I share my life with a (wonderful) man. We have a house, we have a (beautiful) child, I cook for us, I clean for us, I grocery shop for us. The one thing that hasn't changed is my God. He is and always will be there for me.

That is such a comfort.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I Have Been Challenged

So, Brandee chose me to post seven things about myself that no one knows and then I choose seven other bloggers to do the same! I don't personally know all of the bloggers on my blog roll but I will choose seven anyway.

Here goes!

1. My biggest pet peeve is ignorance. Pure ignorance in any form. It just angers me to my bones.

2. I am really bad at keeping my kitchen clean. I was before I was married and I was before I had a baby. Some weeks I'm good at keeping on top of it but most of the time it's all piled up by the weekend. Cleaning it is never as bad as I think it's going to be, though.

3. I love Autumn and Winter. I like Spring. I hate Summer. It's taken me years to realize this. Autumn has this crisp, cool breeze and produces the most beautiful colors that God has ever created. Winter brings snow - I especially like it when there is lots of it. I like being stuck inside not being able to go anywhere and my favorite is curling up in bed at night with LOADS of blankets on cozy! Spring has beautiful renewal and gorgeous flowers BUT it's also soggy and muddy and just plain wet. Summer is hot...need I say more?

4. I don't want to be "the perfect mom." I just want to be the best mom for my child(ren.)

5. I am horrible at sharing my feelings. I hate it. I find it really hard a lot of times. I don't know where this came from it's just something that I've always struggled with. I usually use other outlets instead (music, poetry, etc.)

6. I used to write a lot of poetry. When I was single I kept journals a lot and I was often jotting down poetry that came to mind. Even when I was first married I would a bit but I haven't in a long time. Not that I'm not inspired I find I just haven't the time...or I don't make the time. It is something that I would love to get back into.

7. Deep down inside me I know there is a runner. I can envision myself that way and I just long to be that woman. I have a goal to be a runner in 5 years. Not necessarily a marathon runner but a casual one; for exercise. I have a lot of weight to lose first and walking is a good gateway to running so that is where I need to start.

There you have it. Some things about me that you might not have known! Here are my seven:

1. Jen
2. Lindsay
3. Kayla
4. Rachael
5. Deanna
6. Joy
7. Julie

Saturday, February 20, 2010

It Has Arrived!

The evil little sharp things that us humans refer to as teeth. Paul's first tooth broke through today! It's his bottom right one. He wasn't really too bad about it either. A little cranky here and there but nothing seemed to be seriously bothering him. Thank goodness! I hope all of them go this smoothly!

It's still only about half way there but it's definitely sharp and it's definitely broken through the skin! Way to go my little man!

On a totally different note, here is my weigh-in for this week...I had a bad week.

February 19, 2010 - 260

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Weigh In

So, the last couple weeks have been really good! I've been keeping up my excitement which has really pushed me on. I had a treat day last Sunday when Dan and I went out for a date and I had one last night while we watched the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. I have to say, though, that I have felt like crap the next morning both times. I think I over did it. My splurging will have to be more minimal from here on out.

A couple weeks ago I had kind of a splurge weekend and put back on 4 lbs (sheesh! I gain so fast!) So here is the run down:

January 28/10: 261
February 1/10: 265
February 5/10: 260
February 12/10: 258