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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Proper Diet + Exercise = Healthy Me

I seem to do a better job writing on this blog when I'm working then on my days off. Haha! Sorry that it's been a couple days.

Today was great! I had a girl's day that I had been needing for quite some time now. I went with a friend from work to see "27 Dresses" which was really cute. Then we went and shopped a bit and then had dinner. It was a blast! I got an exercise ball which I am very intentional about using. It may take me some time, but I know that it would help relieve some lower back pain. I didn't do so hot with my eating (what's new). For lunch today I had some leftover beef stew and a cookie. Then when we went to the movie I caved and had nachos and an overly huge Sprite. It was very delicious I might add. Nonetheless it will not aid in the loss of inches from my body.

I was thinking today that it's not necessarily the eating that's the problem but the motivation to exercise. I've never been a very active person. I was never in sports when I was younger. Well, that's not true. I joined the basketball team in grade 5. We had one practice and played one game (which we lost). And that was that. Since then I haven't been involved in any sports. Not because of that but because I just don't like them. I prefer going to the gym, honestly. I have a gym membership that I'm not even using. Who really likes to exercise? Seriously! But just with eating right I need to remember that it's only going to make my life easier and better. It's more about health. Will it just hit me one of these days in my head? Like those V8 commercials...I'm waiting for someone to come up and do that to me. Will someone do that please? lol.

Friday, January 25, 2008

My Current Theme Song

Something There
by Bethany Dillon

Am I a hopeless case?

You keep saying the same things
But is it on my face?
That it isn't sinking in
Like a homeless man tapping on a car window
I feel so disconnected but so in need to hear this
Do You still see

Something there, Yeah, yeah, yeah
Something there, Yeah, yeah, yeah
Something there, Yeah, yeah, yeah

I've never been good or brave enough to ask the question
If I'm breathing in does that mean
You still want me?
That You still see

Something there, Yeah, yeah, yeah
Something there, Yeah, yeah, yeah
Something there, Yeah, yeah, yeah

There are lines on my hands
This sky makes any heart beat faster
I'm breathing out and breathing in
I know that You see, I know that You see

Attack of the Late Night Munchies

Well, I have to say I did pretty well yesterday, according to me. I didn't over eat during the day, although my choices probably could have been a little better. I didn't actually have any breakfast, which is bad, but I got caught up in cleaning the kitchen. I also rearranged it so I have more counterspace now! YAY! Anywho, for lunch I had a bowl of my homemade beef stew. We ended up having a later supper. We had fresh tilapia filets coated in ground almonds and seasonings. We had blanched green beans on the side. It was delicious and filling! But for some reason, that wasn't enough. We then had brownies. He had a beer and I had some wine and before you knew it it was late and we wanted snacks. I think we need to go to bed earlier, then we will be less tempted. Nonetheless, I will admit that I love snack foods. I've always been a late night snacker. I LOVE snack foods. You should have seen all the food I had at New Years! If I snacked on veggies and hummus at 11 pm I wouldn't have to worry so much about gaining weight, but if I don't eat in a balancing way throughout the day then at night veggies and hummus just won't cut it.

I'm going to try and do better today. I'm going to make sure I get my green drink in. That always helps me stay steady throughout the day. I'll let you know tomorrow!

By the way, it seems like my puppy like to be a healthy eater too! He was just mowing down and loving green beans that I was feeding him yesterday! That's good to know!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I am a Christian. I have a deep love for my Savior that cannot be replaced by anybody/anything. Sometimes, though, I think I go to food instead of Him. It's such an instant gratification. What is it that is making me go to food? Is it the fact that I am unhappy with my job? Is it because I dropped out of college and am afraid that if I start I will do the same thing again? Is it because I don't know what I want to do in college? Is it because I know for a fact that there is something sad that will happen in my future? Is it because I am overweight and am self-concious about that? Even though it's the thing I dislike most about myself it drives me to eat more because I'm upset about it.

I spoke to my mom today and she said that I shouldn't feel like I'm bad and that I shouldn't beat myself up about it. You know, she's right! When I do that it just makes me feel worse and then I end up eating more. It's a vicious cycle!

I am constantly amazed at the intricate design of our bodies. We are made in such a way that if one part of us isn't working properly, nothing else will do it's part to it's fullest. Everything in our body is linked to each other. If our blood sugar levels are low we become (well, at least I do) grumpy, irritated, tired, emotional, and we crave foods that are bad for us. When my blood sugar is completely level I am happy, contented, satisfied, on track with my healthy eating and I am energetic. All because my body is working together to feed me the proper nutrition.

I know all the right stuff. I know the foods that will give me energy, the ones that will make me full and the ones that will even out my blood sugar levels. I was even sharing information with my friend today about keeping our bodies alkaline and what foods are more alkalizing and which ones are more acidic. I KNOW the information I'm just taking my sweet time following it. What am I afraid of? It sounds weird, but even though I want to lose weight there is a part of me that is afraid to let it go. It has been my comfort, my hiding place. I need to give that all up and make Jesus my hiding place again. I need to take care of this life that He has graciously given me. I am undeserving. I don't want to take this gift given to me and horde it all. I am meant to share my life with others and that means taking care of myself so that I have something to share.

Anywho, my insights for the day. I'll have more tomorrow! Until then...a song that inspired me today. It's not about eating but about giving back to God what He has given us. Enjoy!

Breathing the Breath by Matt Redman

We have nothing to give
That didn't first come from Your hands
We have nothing to offer You
Which You did not provide
Every good, perfect gift comes from
Your kind and gracious heart
And all we do is give back to You
What always has been Yours

Lord, we're breathing the breath
That You gave us to breathe
To worship You, to worship You
And we're singing these songs
With the very same breath
To worship You, to worship You

Who has given to You
That it should be paid back to him?
Who has given to You
As if You needed anything?
From You, and to You, and through You
Come all things, O Lord
And all we do is give back to You
What always has been Yours

Monday, January 21, 2008

Okay...Not So Hot

Well, since I wrote my first post (I guess that was only two days ago), I haven't done so hot. I have gained a certain affinity for sweets recently and it seems like nothing will cut it! I know that I need to just cut it out altogether and leave it behind me, but chocolate is just soooo good! I also have a problem with snacks in general. Like tortilla chips with salsa mixed in sour cream, Ruffles plain ripple chips dipped in PC French Onion Dip, pizza pockets...yum!

Now, my problem is, I KNOW how bad these are for me! Before, during, and after I eat them I think about the ingredients and know what they are doing to me!! But does that stop me?! NO! I let the fact that it tastes so good take over. What happens to me usually is I do well for a lot of the day and then I crash and burn in the evening. For instance, yesterday I had a healthy breakfast, I had my green drink, for lunch I had raw veggies and hummus but then I had chips and salsa and chocolate lastnight! I'm sitting here eating caramels. They're good, but do I feel good when I wake up in the morning and look at my puffy face and stomach in the morning?

So, why do I do this? Why do I look at myself in the morning and not like what I see yet still eat this way? Why does it seem to be SO hard? Is there something in me that I have buried deep inside and somehow my addiction to food is my cover up? Why can I not stop thinking about food?! It's on my mind all the time! I keep hoping that one of these days it will just fly out of my mind and never return. It just doesn't seem fair. Do other people have this problem? Are there others who can't stop thinking about food?

Well, tomorrow is a new day. Everyday I wake up thinking that it is a new opportunity to do well with my eating. Somedays I succeed, somedays I fail. I just want to be healthy. It's not even so much about the weight. I want to know that my heart and my body are working well.

It's my weekend. I'm going to enjoy it and preoccupy myself so I won't think about food. I'll make myself less sedentary. I'll take my dog for a walk, go shopping, mail letters, call my mom...I'll make it a busy day. Hopefully that will help!

I'll let you know!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

My weight journey in a nutshell

I don't know if you've ever seen the Quaker's oatmeal commercials where the people have the scales chained to their ankles, but sometimes it really can feel like that. You feel like no matter what you do you can't get your weight off of your mind. I have struggled with this problem for so long that I feel it is just a part of me. I carry it with me everywhere I go and it is with me in the choices I make. I look at other people and see their weight. It's not a judgemental thing, it's more of a self concious thing. I look at them and think either "Are they thinner then me?" or "Are they bigger then me?" The answer is always "yes".

I am not an overly big girl. I am 250, but seem to carry it well. At least, that's what I lead myself to believe. I don't have too many recent pictures of myself because I don't want any. I have found a comfortable place behind the camera. I haven't always been's been a weight journey that has gotten me to this place. There are many factors involved.

When I was younger I was always a little bit chubby. My brothers were all skinny little guys and I was the chubby kid sister. Although, I wasn't chubby compared to some of the young kids today (which chills me to the bone). I started to thin out around seventh grade and then started to gain weight in grade 10. For the next couple years it was a steady climb. It must have been the stress from school and wanting to be accepted. When I'm stressed/nervous/scared/lonely I turn to food. I am a comfort eater. After high school I lost a ton of weight and within one summer I put it all back on. I decided then that I needed to really do something about this and got serious. I lost all of the weight I had regained and kept it off for about a year.

Then I went to college. Now, if you ever need to put any weight ON, go to college/university! lol. This is where I met my husband. We were both thin and fit. He was a runner, I was a healthy eater. We were a good match. Well, let me tell you, dating at a small Bible college is extremely stressful and before we knew it we both started to put on weight. By the time we got married that summer after my first year, I had already gained 25 pounds! After that we went through some pretty stressful situations. I went through a mild depression, we left school in January, we moved in with his parents, his grandmother passed away soon after, we moved after five months in a motel and then we finally found an apartment. It's a lot to go through in one year. And as I mentioned earlier, I am a comfort eater. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am a binge eater, but a times I do. Needless to say, we have both put on weight and have reached numbers that neither of us have ever seen before!

So, I have decided that it is time to do something about it. I have recently lost 15 pounds (putting some back on through the Christmas season) but I need to lose more. I am starting this blog to chronicle my weight losses and gains. I am going to be brutally honest and I am going to share details of my eating, emotions, thoughts and everything else I feel like talking about. I recently read an article in People about 3 women who joined an online chat club and lost 292 pounds in total between the 3 of them. I know this isn't a chat club (I'm not sure if anyone is ever going to read this anyway) but I thought that maybe, just maybe, it might help me in my journey. This way I have someone/something to be accountable to.

So, that is my weight journey (so far) in a nutshell. I am going to start my day with a healthy brown and wild rice with tomato and avacado breakfast and be positive about the day ahead of me. That's what I have to's what I always have to do!