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Sunday, January 20, 2008

My weight journey in a nutshell

I don't know if you've ever seen the Quaker's oatmeal commercials where the people have the scales chained to their ankles, but sometimes it really can feel like that. You feel like no matter what you do you can't get your weight off of your mind. I have struggled with this problem for so long that I feel it is just a part of me. I carry it with me everywhere I go and it is with me in the choices I make. I look at other people and see their weight. It's not a judgemental thing, it's more of a self concious thing. I look at them and think either "Are they thinner then me?" or "Are they bigger then me?" The answer is always "yes".

I am not an overly big girl. I am 250, but seem to carry it well. At least, that's what I lead myself to believe. I don't have too many recent pictures of myself because I don't want any. I have found a comfortable place behind the camera. I haven't always been's been a weight journey that has gotten me to this place. There are many factors involved.

When I was younger I was always a little bit chubby. My brothers were all skinny little guys and I was the chubby kid sister. Although, I wasn't chubby compared to some of the young kids today (which chills me to the bone). I started to thin out around seventh grade and then started to gain weight in grade 10. For the next couple years it was a steady climb. It must have been the stress from school and wanting to be accepted. When I'm stressed/nervous/scared/lonely I turn to food. I am a comfort eater. After high school I lost a ton of weight and within one summer I put it all back on. I decided then that I needed to really do something about this and got serious. I lost all of the weight I had regained and kept it off for about a year.

Then I went to college. Now, if you ever need to put any weight ON, go to college/university! lol. This is where I met my husband. We were both thin and fit. He was a runner, I was a healthy eater. We were a good match. Well, let me tell you, dating at a small Bible college is extremely stressful and before we knew it we both started to put on weight. By the time we got married that summer after my first year, I had already gained 25 pounds! After that we went through some pretty stressful situations. I went through a mild depression, we left school in January, we moved in with his parents, his grandmother passed away soon after, we moved after five months in a motel and then we finally found an apartment. It's a lot to go through in one year. And as I mentioned earlier, I am a comfort eater. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am a binge eater, but a times I do. Needless to say, we have both put on weight and have reached numbers that neither of us have ever seen before!

So, I have decided that it is time to do something about it. I have recently lost 15 pounds (putting some back on through the Christmas season) but I need to lose more. I am starting this blog to chronicle my weight losses and gains. I am going to be brutally honest and I am going to share details of my eating, emotions, thoughts and everything else I feel like talking about. I recently read an article in People about 3 women who joined an online chat club and lost 292 pounds in total between the 3 of them. I know this isn't a chat club (I'm not sure if anyone is ever going to read this anyway) but I thought that maybe, just maybe, it might help me in my journey. This way I have someone/something to be accountable to.

So, that is my weight journey (so far) in a nutshell. I am going to start my day with a healthy brown and wild rice with tomato and avacado breakfast and be positive about the day ahead of me. That's what I have to's what I always have to do!


mommo4.5 said...

You are such a special person, beautiful inside and out at any "number"! I want what's best for you, I care about what's important to you, and I'm here to support you all the way.