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Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Baby Blues

I don't know exactly what it is but there is a part of me that feels a little bit down. It started a couple weeks ago and it hasn't really gone away. It's not a constant feeling; it comes and goes throughout the day. The last time I went through feeling this way was when I got married. I have a feeling it has to do with a whole bunch of change happening at once. We have a baby on the way (in case you didn't, we just bought a house, my job has been really stressful (a lot of staff changes recently), Dan has been kinda stressed with his new's all a little overwhelming at times. Plus, I think my hormones are adding to the feelings and I don't like it one bit.

I am extremely excited for the upcoming events in my life, don't get me wrong, I just feel like it's a lot to take in. As baby's arrival gets closer and closer I start to feel more and more nervous about it all. What do you do with a baby? What if I am annoyed by it? What if I go through PPD? What if I am not prepared? These are all things that people say "oh, you're going to be just fine" to but these are real questions that plague me. I think I need a get together with some friends who are already mothers (new mothers...sorry mom) and ask them about their recent experience with all this. I ran into an old friend and his wife yesterday with their three month old daughter and she said that once the baby was born it was "pure love." I know that I will feel that way but it still all feels unreal to me...even when I feel baby moving around!

I'm sure all new mothers feel this way (and probably even when it's not their first, too) and it's all normal to go through these emotions, I just kind of want them to go away. It hits me when I'm at work, out grocery shopping, getting a muffin at Tim's, in the middle of watching a movie...I really don't like it.

On a happy note, I am starting to see baby move from the outside!! I've seen it a couple times and it was so neat! It looked like a little pulse. I'm hoping to see more of it soon and that Dan will be able to see it/feel it any day!


mommo4.5 said...

Absolutely you should talk to new moms for whom it is all fresh in their hearts and minds. I hope your childbirth class will be a good place for connecting with other soon-to-be moms too.
And the part about it not seeming real, I experienced some of that every time. It's just a mysterious part of life, I guess.