Visual Helps

This is a 21 week old baby that was born (super) early. It kind of gives me more of an image of my baby inside me. Those tiny little feet are what I'm feeling. I can't believe how big it is already! It's so skinny but so beautiful! It's very much a baby! I hope that mine doesn't come this early...I just like to visual the baby in my womb.

20 Weeks

Now don't get too excited yet...I'm not technically half way there until the END of the 20th week. But my oh my how baby is growing. I took a couple pictures tonight and compared them to the last ones not even a week ago and my belly is already bigger!! Dan is in disbelief.

So, I only have 4 1/2 months to go until my due date. When I realised that last night I went into a mini panic attack. I started feeling like we have nothing for baby. We have a few clothes but other than that nothing. We still need to get the bassinet from my parents, the stroller and car seat set from Shannon and Sarkis, we need diapers, more clothes, etc. I know that we'll be prepared by the time baby gets here but for a moment I felt completely unprepared and irresponsible. Suddenly 4 1/2 months didn't seem so far away. (On a high note I will be done work in 3 1/2 months! Yay!)

I had my doctor's appointment on Thursday and everything is good! She checked the heart beat and it was about 150 which it usually is. Between 120 and 180 is normal so my baby is satisfied in the middle. Everything seems to be good and the doctor said that she could book us another ultrasound if we really wanted to know, but we said that it's okay. We're alright not knowing! Plus, I don't think I want to go through the pain (yes, literal pain) of having to hold in an extremely full bladder while waiting for them to take us in a half hour late and then proceeding to have someone push on that full bladder for far too long. At the maternity store today one of the workers (who looks like she could give birth any moment) told me that one place in town charges $40 and will devote a half hour JUST to finding out your baby's gender. I guess a full half hour will do it! lol.

Well, I am tired and think I'm going to head to bed. We were supposed to go to have lunch at our friend's place tomorrow (and meet their little 1 1/2 month old daughter) but something came up for them so sadly we won't be doing that. It gives us time to do some cleaning tomorrow which is long overdue. I've been taking pictures of my belly pretty much every week so I will continue to post. Keep reading and I'll keep updating! :D

19 Weeks and 3 Days

My Mom and Me

My mom and me in Seattle when I was around a year old

A few days before my wedding in '06

Another Song

I have this thing where songs really affect me. They always have, even when I was a little girl. I remember my dad performing "He's Alive" at Easter service when I was, oh, 6 or 7 and I remember tearing up! And sometimes I can listen to a song over and over and have lyrics hit me differently each time. Right now I keep having a Bethany Dillon song go through my head and I love it for it's beautiful lyrics. You have to read it more like a poem. It sounds almost like a psalm. I just want to share it with you.

Be Near Me
by Bethany Dillon

I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased
I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had

And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given up
Be near me

I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth
Of knowledge and peace
But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love

I believe you are good and righteous
You've given me your reckless love
So be near, be near...

18 Weeks and 4 Days

18 Weeks 2 days...or 3 days?

This is Baby! This is the sweet little precious life that has been growing and changing rapidly inside of me. This is the one that will call me "mom" for the rest of my life. I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed right now. My little baby is an active one...I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it's into sports, like it's daddy. It was amazing to see it's little hands and feet move around. I wanted to spend all day in that room just watching my baby on that screen!

We were wanting to find out the gender today but Baby wouldn't let us. And you know what? I'm actually okay with it. I thought I would be really sad that we couldn't tell but it's actually made me that much more excited to wait! We can keep guessing till the end! That way we can decide on a name when we see it's lovely little face! I have a new found respect for people who wait (not that I have anything against people who find out because I really wanted to know myself.) Although, I will admit that I was starting to think that maybe I didn't really want to know before the ultrasound. Dan asked me this morning and I said "ya, I definitely want to know," but there was still a tiny part of my that was hoping to maybe not find out. I know that sounds weird 'cause I was going on about it, but I guess we were destined not to know!

After the ultrasound I have more of an idea of where Baby actually is positioned when I feel it kicking. When we started today Baby's head was on my right side and it's legs on my left. By the end it's head was at my belly button and it's legs down by my pelvis. It must still be in the second position because tonight I've felt it kick a couple times right there. At least it's done a 360 and ended up back there! lol! I LOVE feeling Baby kick!! Especially now that I've seen it's little feet it just amazes me when I feel it. I felt a really good one just 5 minutes ago...so far it's just wonderful and not annoying. We'll see in 3 months or so how I feel about it!

Well, I'm tired and full of tortilla chips and con queso (to celebrate a healthy baby! lol!) I love that stuff...that's why I only eat it once or twice a month (I bet you thought I was going to say year...lol!) OH!! One more thing. Baby is 8 oz! She said it's a good size for where I'm at. I guess the average is about 7 oz so Baby is doing well. And according to it's measurements I'm due July 31st...one day difference. I'll stick to August 1st. And I am sooooo excited to get there!!