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Friday, February 26, 2010

A Bit of a Revelation

I’m trying to find a moment with You
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I’m a dealer in my time
And if I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who has won my affection
And the God who made me

Oh, it all looks different
But that doesn’t mean anything has changed

Still I reach for You
When I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name

I look at the life of Anna
Your presence was her home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch

One day very soon
Face to face
I’ll give an account of my time to You

- Bethany Dillon - "Say Your Name"

I had a bit of a revelation this morning. I was doing dishes and listening to this song. I've heard it many times but it kind of hit me - I can relate to this! I have been married for three and a half years (she was a newlywed when she wrote this song) but I still struggle between my relationship with my husband and my relationship with God.

I love the imagery of "it all looks different but, that doesn't mean anything has changed." On the outside, when getting married, life changes drastically. Suddenly I am living with this man, I am sharing a bed with him, doing his laundry, cooking his meals, buying groceries for two instead of one...all these things start the moment we say I do. We are a in a partnership for life. My attention shifts from God and me to God, my husband and me. It creates quite the triangle!

But...BUT...that doesn't mean anything has changed. Hello?! Why did I never think this way before now? I know it may seem simple but to me it kind of put things into perspective. Why should I change how I live out my relationship with God? Why do I have to choose? My husband and I are one. On the outside I have changed but on the inside I am still the me that God created. The one that still reaches for him when I am afraid and tired and lonely. I go to him when I am happy and joyful and feeling fulfilled in my life. I express my thanks and my gratitude to Him frequently. He is still my God - my Everlasting Lord. That will never change.

So on the outside my life has completely changed from what it was when I was single. I lived with my best friend, I bought groceries only for me, I cooked for myself, I only had to think about how circumstances would affect me. Now I share my life with a (wonderful) man. We have a house, we have a (beautiful) child, I cook for us, I clean for us, I grocery shop for us. The one thing that hasn't changed is my God. He is and always will be there for me.

That is such a comfort.